Friday, August 25, 2017

G6 P2: He'll Have To Go


"And then Uncle Elvis was all, 'You think you can fool me, motherfucker? You think YOU can fool ME? And then Frederick was all, 'I'm not Frederick, I'm KYLE! I'm just a stupid, high school jock! I'm not an undercover cop!" And then Uncle Elvis was all, 'Try another one, bitch!', and then he gutted that fucking poser like a fish! .................... *sigh* It was a great party!"

So sweet of Tesla to take the time to visit the graveyard and pass along the family lore.

I checked Tesla's traits and he's evil, insane, and mean-spirited. So he must have rolled odd for his child trait, then mean-spirited.

"I could've told you that, you dumb asshole."


"YES!! This is fucking AWESOME!!"

Sebastian spends a lot of time blowing shit up in the junkyard.


So much for that spa appointment.

"You didn't even tell anyone that I'm pregnant!"


And it's a girl this time! Also, I failed at screenshotting her traits. I know her name is Marie, and I'm pretty damn sure she rolled one odd, one even for her traits and thus she is evil and artistic. We'll find out soon enough.


"You still knocked up?"

"Fuck off, Elvis."

"LOL!  Whatever, bitch. I gotta bounce. Important shit to do."



He didn't have to go very far, Orlando was right outside the country club.

"Ech, how ill-mannered and gauche! I'm going to get blood all over this vest and jacket!"

"Trust me, where I'm aiming, the blood will be all over your pants. It's well after Labor Day, you twit. Between the hair and the pants, let me guess, new money?"

Elvis ran to the house next door to hide, but the cops never came.


"Zzzzzz I'm number one! zzzzzzzZ"

BLAINE!!  Wake up, you fucking halfwit!!

"Zzz wha? What the fuck for?"


My simself is available.

Last chapter, Blaine bailed on the party that he threw, just to follow my simself across town and yell at her for being inappropriate. It went about as well as you'd think but, since I was pregnant, Blaine couldn't do anything about it until now.


"Damn, having a baby is hard work! I'm starving!"

"Heh-heh, dat ass."


"Are you fucking kidding me? I can't even eat first?"

Nope.

** I die and get put right back so the kids don't get moved into another household **


On the plus side, I'm out of the maternity wear.

"Ugh!! Good thing I'm not that hungry anymore cause these fuckers are totally ruined."

And I didn't let the house burn down!

"GET OUT!!"


Well, this one won't leave me a widow.


And the ginger hair makes it another generation! Well done, Marie!




"Oh no! Who will take care of Ruth and Elliot?"


"Oh no! He has twins?? What have I done?"

No worries, Blaine. Levon's twins are two babies that will never be stuck with my simself.


Lawanda: "Shit."

Cause their mama can die only of old age. Nice to see you again, Lawanda.

"I do NOT feel the same."


"Just blow out the candles, baby. We're not going to think about the weird pile of dust on the floor."

I'm pretty sure that's a teenage Lydia.

"I don't want to know."


Benjamin got a party but, per usge, only household members came to the caking.

"We're having another baby, Bastian!!"

"Woohoooo!!!  I hope it's another boy!"

"Well I want another girl!"

The good news is that one of them will get 5,000 happiness points.


"No. Uh-uh. No way. Someone needs to fix this hair, NOW."


"What the heck? Move it, Mom! I can't get any cake with you standing right there!!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry sweetie! I just want to talk to you, every time the sim god doesn't force you to do something else, from now until the end of time."

Ben, already friendly and a heavy sleeper, rolled even, then irresistible for his trait. I really hate "irresistible". If I don't keep on the sim, all his needs will drop as every.damn.body on the lot will want to talk to him if he's not otherwise occupied. Ugh.


"Hey Ben, want to play tag after we finish our cake?"

"Sure! I love tag!"

"Awesome! You're so cool, Ben! I just want to talk to you and hang out with you all the time!"

"Oh. That's nice, thanks Tesla!"

"If I don't kill you."

"What?"

"What? Nothing. I didn't say anything."


"And then I put bugs in your dad's pillow, cause he told me I couldn't go to Ben's party cause they didn't want to pay for a babysitter."

"Das deenus, Unca Baine!!"

"Right? *snicker*"


"Come ON, Ben! You said we could play tag!"

"You're having another baby?"

"That's right, Bennie!!"


"I hope I get a little brother!"

"Oh Bennie, you're so funny!"

"Don't think I'm going to forget this, BENNIE."


Okay, what the fuck??


"HELL YEAH, MOTHERFUCKER!!"

You know, I could've had your wife fix that for free.

"Pffft, what do you know about fun?"


"Uhhhhh..."

Damn it, Sebastian!! Put that shit out!!


"Okay! I got it, I think."


"UGH. I am NOT cleaning up this mess. Sayanara, you pigs!"

**takes 125 simoleons and leaves**


"I did it! I put the fire out!"

"Look at this place! And where the fuck is the computer? I had some very important ........... files, on there!!"

"Heh heh. Dad and Uncle Elvis are gonna fight. My money's on Uncle Elvis."


Mine, too.


"You're every bit as worthless as your mother, you fucking idiot."


"And you're every bit the bitter old dick she said you are!"

"Well, she would be the expert."


Grim goes for the gold in long distance resurrection.

"I am not going in there. It smells like burnt tires."

Sebastian gets his revenge......


...... sort of.


"Don't take it personally, Keon."

"Take what personally?"


"The fact that I can't bring myself to kill my uncle, so I'm going to kill you instead."

"That's a little hard to not take personally, man."

Jenelle: "I have a feeling that I should have just gone home after school."


"HaHAwhatthehell? Keon wasn't bald!"

That's not Keon. That's Douglas, who probably wandered over from the graveyard.

Douglas: "Not a lot of us silver folk over there. Lots of orange and purple."

Grim: "That's very nice, can we get on with it now?"

Jenelle: "Yeah, I really need to go to bed."


"Later, assholes!"

Bad ass Sebastian manages to avoid arrest.


And he gets another wish.

"I still want another girl. Can't we try again?"

House is full, Virginia. I'll leave the wish locked in, but we'll have to see.

Meet Alexander. He rolled one odd, one even for his traits, so he's insane and easily impressed. In other words, he's a con artist's dream.


"Hey Mr. Jack! My name's Ben. I'm not sure how we're related, but my dad says we are! He says you're his weird, sort-of-uncle who no one ever talks to, but he sees you at the restaurant once in awhile. I sure am glad to meet you, Mr. Jack!"

"And, oddly, in spite of your complete lack of tact or any kind of filter, I am really happy to meet you, Ben! Let's chat!"

I forget where Jack and Ben ran into each other, but they had a nice chat. I think Jack got married again, but he never did have children. Can't blame him. They'd probably be dead already.


Meanwhile, Elvis is on a date. You'll notice he's got another first kiss wish locked in, but that chick is not as convenient as Kia.


"I don't know if it's the snow, the moonlight, or if I'm getting senile, but you sure look pretty tonight, Kia!"

Well that's a shitty line.


Not that it didn't work. Nice knowing you, Kia.


"What the HELL kind of a kiss was that? There wasn't even any tongue! You asked me out on a date at the damn junkyard for fuck's sake! At least put out something!!"


"Yayy! It's my birthday!"

Not now, Sebastian, Elvis might literally cut a bitch.


Or he'll read a book while Kia digs through trash piles for the rest of the night. Not one wish to kill her. You're getting soft in your old age, man.


Nice eyes, Alex.

"You know it's Marie's birthday, too."


Marie rolled even for her trait, but the dice like her because they gave her hot-headed to go with her evil and artistic. I like you, Marie.


"Do you like your party, Marie? I do love that this house has a party stage."

"Meh, it's okay I guess. I don't know."

"Nobody's died yet, that's why it doesn't feel like a party."


"Heh-heh, Uncle Elvis is just joking. Aren't you, Uncle Elvis?"

"Bitch, I know two things. One, I'm not kidding, and two, I don't know how I'm related to these little shits but I am NOT their uncle."

"Fuck you too, ELVIS."

"Damn right, you little shit."

Virginia: *sigh*


Oh, look at that. It's Tesla's birthday, too. I can't keep track anymore and I DON'T EVEN FUCKING CARE!!!!


And his hair was perfect.

Tesla, already insane, evil, and mean-spirited, rolls odd for his trait and becomes the first family member to possess all four family traits as a teenager.

Guess who's picking up the gardening hoe!

"Ho? There's a ho???"

No.

"Oh."


"What the HELL are you wearing?"

"What? It's my work uniform. I came here straight from work."

"Are you telling me that you asked me out on a date to some ghetto shithole, in the pouring rain, and you couldn't even put on a decent outfit?"

"Okay, this is the foreign market, not a ghetto, and it wasn't raining when I called y..."


"I don't fucking care, whatever your name is."


Salina. Her name is Salina.


"Oh sure, it wasn't raining when she called me but the bitch still brought an umbrella."

I thought Salina wasn't going to give it up, and I'm was all ready to get all pissed and annoyed when...


"*gasp* I should have listened to ............ *wheeze* ......... everyone."

"Wait, wait, don't die yet. I need to get a better view."


"MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!! Getting soft. Fuck off, you ignorant whore!!"

Love you, too, Elvis.


"Jesus, this house is atrocious."

It's good enough to hide from the cops in, so put up and shut up.


"Eh, I hate this town anyway."


Nice one, man!

"I've got to go."


No idea. Probably some teen who got on the honor roll.


"I love it when they are home."


Walkin' into da' club like....



"It goes perfectly on this shitty carpet!!"


"What the fuck?"


"You know what, motherfucker? I just wanted a damn hot dog before going to bed. That's all. I wanted to come home from work, take a fucking shower, fuck around in my damn pajamas, eat a fucking hot dog, and go to fucking bed. But NOOOO. You gotta come in here and fuck up my whole evening."

Kindra is not in a mourning kind of mood right now.


"Isn't anyone going to mourn? I'm feeling really unappreciated here."

"YOU'RE feeling unappreciated?? These are my PARENTS."

"Grow up, sweetheart, this isn't about you."


"WOOOOOOOO!!"

I swear y'all age up at the worst times.

Then the camera jerked me right back.


"Something's wrong."


"Wait, what?? Where's my beard?"

"Oh you are fucking kidding me! I'm never getting to bed!"


"Really? You're going to mourn THIS guy? He killed your daughter!"

"And I'm not done yet, Grim! Come on! Give me a few more days!"


"Do you have a flower for me?"

"I did but that simgod bitch took it back when I got old!"

"Then no. Buh-bye now!"

I'm a little sad that Elvis has to go to the graveyard. I was so hoping someone would kill him after he became an elder but no one did.  Elvis, on the other hand, is responsible for 76 deaths, including 9 family deaths, at least 4 of which are Lydia. That's the current family record! Way to go, Elvis. You were worth every last death flower.

Coming up next chapter, generation 6 takes over, and one of our ghosts manages something I've never seen before.