Saturday, May 13, 2017

G5, P5: Killing Lawanda

Elvis gets his job back.

"No, I didn't. I'm at level 2! I'm a goddamn executive assistant!! Can you believe this bullshit?"

You murdered 20 sims and went to jail at least 3 times during your last spree.

"That really isn't relevant."

That's about all that happened last chapter. Oh, Bronwyn is now a teenager and has already been killed by Lydia. And, oddly, Sebastian took her side and killed his mother, who of course came back and murdered him. Typical.


Sealing her doom with a kiss.

LOL! Birthday derp.

I gave him a new 'do.

"You may want to go check out the garage."

"Man, I have so much homework, I can't even get motivated to start. Somebody ought to set a fire under my ass."

Luckily the shower was unoccupied.

"I want to sell the Scraptronic."


"Is he really wealthier than us?"

Dude, no one in town is wealthier than you.

"Good, I like being right."

Randi: "I'm telling you, these country club parties give me the creeps. It feels like something awful always happens here."

Happy Birthday, Blaine!!


I know! It's like they think that being a serial killer is some kind of massive character flaw.

Craig is was his boss.

Unfortunately for Lillian, she was right friggin' there.

"*sniff* That poor man!"

"Quit boo-hooing! Nobody wants to hear it."

"Isn't anybody going to come cheer for me?"

Hang on, sweetie. I'm sure someone will come.

"I knew these country club parties are cursed."

"This is just because I can!"

Elvis, you gotta go.

"That's right, BURN BITCH!!"

"I may be dying, but my thoughts are with poor Cullen!"

Let's check in on Blaine.

Well, at least his cousin and sister came to cheer for him, so that's nice.

"I'm not cheering. I'm here for the cake."

You're a treat, Winnie.

"Stand back, baby! I feel another spree coming on!!"

"*SOB* This is a terrible party!!"

"Shut up, kid! I spent a lot of money on this party. It's a sophisticated soiree clearly wasted on you!!"

Elvis, COME ON!!

"Hi, I need a teleport, asap."

"Nice try, Mr. Fox, but we're on to you and your sci-fi, Star Trekky ways."

Waiting for the cop?

"CopS. There's three of them. They need to arrest me in groups since I strike such fear in their souls."

Whatever, Jason.



After all this Blaine is STILL aging up.

"Damn, man, come on, You're hardly creating a masterpiece, here."


Blaine rolled even for his trait, so he's now an insane, evil, clumsy guy who also really loves to watch tv. I don't know, man, you got kind of boring.

"Hey, somebody's gotta watch all the procedurals to pick up some tips."

Since Elvis can't teleport in a timely manner, Lydia can have this one.

"You! Hold still, we gotta do this fast!!"

"Wh...who are you? What do you want?"

"I want to kill you before my cousin gets out of jail."

Steve: "Um, lady? If you could call a babysitter before you go, I'd appreciate it."

Don't worry Steve, you don't need one.

"Oh sugar, I'm so sorry but you're going to have to do this, again."

Lawanda is unlucky!

Yay!! Elvis gets to kill her, too!

"Wait, what??"

Nothing, Lawanda. Go take care of Steve.

So which way do you think the murders pushed the party?

And another one.

Elvis gets out of jail and I immediately send him looking for Craig, his boss, since he'll be unkillable once he's at work in the morning. But of course it's not that easy...

The game is now so desperate that it's using homeless, role-type sims in the big careers. This makes things difficult as Craig will likely arrive in town just to go to work, then leave when the work day is over. This is going to make offing him a challenge.

So Elvis settles for Leanne instead.

"I'm doing her a favor, I don't  know how anyone lives in this trash heap."

Next he takes a crack at Lawanda.

"*sigh* I JUST did this."

Steve, are you still in the same spot?


Well, I guess coming back from the dead is rather time-consuming.

Then Abby goes down.

"Zzzzzzzz I'm gonna be so good at pol'tics tamarra. zzzzzzzzZ"

"Do you see that? The headboard matches the lampshade! Who DOES that??"

So, as I suspected, Craig was nowhere in town until 8am, when he showed up inside the business building. Hmmmmmmmm.

There is a Dukes household in town, he just doesn't live there.

But Bastian's girlfriend does.

Okay, here he is. Homeless, just as I suspected.

Hey, he's beret guy from the work party Elvis threw a week or so ago. I think there is something we can do. There's one other place he shows up.

"Hey Craig, how's it going? ............ Great! Look, I'm having a party later on tonight and I'd love for you to come................ It's at my house............... Yes, same as last time ....................... I have no idea what you're talking about, but there will be lots of free food here .............. fantastic! I'll see you in a few hours."

"Pffft. Fucking idiot."

Heh-heh. Party for one, coming up.

An hour later....

"Hey y'all!! I am ready to PAR-TAY!!!"

You were not invited, Lauren.

"But I crash parties all the time. It's never been a problem before. Did I wear the wrong outfit?"

No, you look fine. You're taking your life in your hands, but you look fine.

"Dad! Your old boss is here!"

"Thanks, honey."

"You may want to move, Bronwyn. This could get messy."

"Not now, Dad. Netflix updated their program and now I can't find my watchlist."

"Did you see that, hon? I was so fast the simgod didn't even catch it!"

"That's great, Dad. Okay, I think this is it, but, dammit, everything is all messed up!!"

"Well, Stranger Things is still here. Maybe I'll watch that again."

Elvis gets another business job.

And flushes it down the toilet before he can even go.

"What the FUCK? Can I kill this ridiculous freak?"

Not for a few more years.

Why are you waving? Kill her already.

"I did and you missed it, again."


The cops never came and he didn't get fired. Hey, I'm not complaining.

Lol!  Winnie takes a turn in the photo booth.

"Guess what, Win?"


"I killed that Lawanda chick and didn't get fired!"

"That's awesome, Dad!!"

"Guess what I'm going to do now?"


"Kill that bitch again!!"

"Yeah you are!!"

You're going to have a loooooong ass life, Lawanda.

"Does he think I can't hear him?"


He knows you can hear him.

"Don't sigh at me, you snotty princess!"

"And back she comes. Like a toy I can't break."

"Um, who are you?"

"I'm Ebony, the ironically named paperchild."

"Oh. Hi!"


*awkward silence*

*more awkward silence*

"So ........ do wanna come in or something?"

"Sure!! Thanks!"

"What the fuck? Random kids just show up in our yard now?"

Yeah, I don't get it either. She spent all afternoon and most of the night.

And some of them are candy whores. It's summertime, Grant!

"I know. I'm ............. writing a book. Yeah, a book ............. about candy."

"It just breaks my heart to see my sweet Bastian raised in this horrific environment."

My ghost-simself: "'Sweet.' *snort* You're funny, Isabel. He is a murderous little asshole, just like everyone else in this family."

Isabel: "*sigh* ............................. Are there more waffles?"

"It's a birthday party, Jaime, not fucking Fashion Week."

"What's the matter, bitch? I look so much better even the mirrors don't want you anymore?"

"Dammit, Elvis! I threw this party, not you!"

Every. Damn. Party.

"Come on, Elvis! I haven't even had my cake, yet!"

"Shut up, you little bastard. I'm busy."

"I knew this party was going to be terrible."

Coming up next chapter, does Elvis ruin Sebastian's birthday party? How many guests will die before he gets arrested? Before Bastian even ages up? What will Sebastian look like? Will Elvis get fired, again? Will he go on yet another party-born spree? Will Generation Five ever freakin' end? Will I stop asking questions?

At least one of those is a "yes".

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