"He said what?? ............................... LOL! I don't know where you find these boys, Gobias."
"Hey Tesla. Alex is still sleeping, right?"
"I guess he is, I haven't seen him. I really don't give a fu......"
"Thanks."
"Hey Gobias? I'm gonna have to call you back.................. yeah, my nephew just walked by with a fireplace poker, some shit's gonna go down.............. I don't know, an hour maybe?.................Gobias, we've been over this. I love you but if you call the cops I'm hunting you down and fertilizing my garden with your ashes."
Welcome back! Last chapter saw the births of the first two members of generation eight, Virginia and Stuart Jr. Both kids are Stuart's. Virginia is his alien baby, and Stuart Jr. is the result of his hot tub romp with Jamie Jolina. They are both toddlers and Stewie doesn't really give a fig about either of them. Oh, and Tesla got old. But you can see that.
Anyway, back to Tyler.
Alex is in bed, sound asleep, dreaming about dirty dishes.
"Zzzzzz it's hotter than it sounds zzzzzzZ"
"Tyler, get out of the way! I can't get out of bed with you standing right fucking there!"
"What the fuck? I just went to sleep! Some of us work until 3am." *grumble grumble* "Little asshole."
"Tyler? Tyler killed me? What the hell for??"
*smirk* "You killed my mother, and you come home and make a ton of noise in the middle of the night."
Tyler may be a contender, yet.
"Look, Marie was a total joke. She talked the talk but never walked the walk, know what I mean, Grim?"
"LOLOLOL!!! You're so funny, Alex!"
"Thanks for the flower, gorgeous! I've got a special vase just for you."
"Don't think I'm going to forget this, you little bastard."
For whatever reason, Alex doesn't retaliate, and the house settles back down to a normal Sunday.
"That jacket is pretty, Vera, but do you know what would look really good on you?"
"What?"
"Me."
And around these parts, normal means cringe-inducing pick up lines.
"Hey beautiful? Do you mind hanging out for a bit? I've got something I need to do. It won't take long and I promise I'll be right back."
"Of course, Stuart! I'm happy to wait for you!"
"Thanks, baby! Your last name must be Google, cause you're everything I'm looking for!"
*gag*
Ah, Stiles McGraw. Former partner of Jade, Stewie's girlfriend number 6 who is sitting pretty on the kill list until she squirts out Stiles' baby.
Better than "Melrose Place", amirite?
I wouldn't know, I hated that show.
"Afternoon, Stiles."
Stiles: "Oh no."
Texting: "Jade, I'm so sorry, he found me."
Jade: "You went to the arcade again, didn't you?"
"Daddy loves you, kids! I'm so sorry!"
DAMMIT, STILES!! Stop doing this to me!!
"At least I'll get to see Monika, again."
*sigh*
"Why the long face, Stiles?"
Vera: "I'm just going to go. This was fun. We should do it again, never."
So close to number 7.
"Thanks for making this so easy."
"Hi, Blair."
"I'm just playing my game and minding my own business over here. No need to take any notice."
"Hee-hee. Did you see that, Blair? I totally killed him dead. Did you see?"
"Yes, Stuart. I saw."
"Hee-hee. He didn't even run away."
No one finds it funny but you, Stuart.
"Ha! That's their problem."
"Please Grim, my wife is about to have a baby! Our third! Please let me stay!"
"Jade is your EX-wife, no?"
"That was a misunderstanding!"
"Well honey, this most definitely is not. Bye now!"
Meanwhile, across town, another sim gets that terrifying feeling that her number is up.
"I don't suppose that crackling, whooshing sound is the T.A.R.D.I.S."
Nope, just Alex. In his bathing suit. And flippers. And top hat. And that damn face mask that he wears all.the.time ever since reaching level 8 or 9 of his career.
"I look GOOD."
If you've forgotten, Alex wished to kill my simself during the costume party where he also killed Mortimer Goth and Malcolm Landgraab. But I'd just gotten pregnant, I hadn't even popped yet, so he had to wait.
"Why do you wear that mask all the time?"
"It protects my eyes from the sun."
".............................................................."
"Can I hold your baby?"
"Good lord no."
"Nobody ever lets me hold their baby."
"Can't imagine why."
"Don't fret, Donna. Mommy will be back before you know it."
"You fucking suck and that mask looks stupiiiiiiiiiiiid......"
"Oh my god! That poor woman!"
"How did you do that?"
Magic!!
"That's hot!"
He also wants to know my sign. A whole world of "No", Alex. I'm not dealing with her any more than I already have to.
Every night, almost, I send Stewie out on the town. I mean, if he stays home all he's going to do is cost me death flowers, so out his ass goes. If Alex isn't working I send him out, too.
He sees Vera at the bar.
"Hey doll! You didn't wait for me! I came right back!"
Run Vera!!
"Oh Stuart, I know that I had a reason, but now that I'm here with you, I don't even remember what it was!"
He didn't roll any wishes for Vera, but Stewie's not renowned for his razor sharp decision making skills so I'm not putting much weight on it.
While they are spit swapping, I hop across town to check on Alex, whose queue tells me he's found my simself and they are hanging out.
"Oh Kristin, I'm so sorry! I had no idea you two were so close!"
"*sniff* I just miss her SO MUCH!"
Completely on autonomy, he is consoling me over the loss of ...... me, whom he killed in the first place.
"Don't fret, Kristin! She'll always live on in your heart!"
"Oh Alex, really?"
"Really! Trust me. I know all about these things."
"You're the best!"
"I know."
Anyone still think I'm too mean to my simself? Anyway, I leave these two to it, maybe Alex will come to his senses and wish me dead again, and zoom back over to Stuart and Vera.
"Will you be my girlfriend, Vera?"
"Oh Stuart, of course!!"
Vera makes my life a little easier by not having an SO to break up with in the first place. She may be a role sim, I haven't checked. She's now girlfriend number 7!
Alex commands my attention. I don't know what the hell Willard did. If Alex was going to pull me back with a death wish I thought for sure it'd be my simself. Oh well.
"That mask makes you look like a flea-ridden raccoon."
"Whoa man, don't you ever wear eye-protection in the snow?"
"That's what goggles are for, you crazy bean pole! And no, I only wear goggles when I'm boarding, not when I'm standing around outside the diner talking to myself."
"Oh, you do that, too?"
"No, idiot, that's just you."
"You're mean."
"You're stupid. And I can decide to be nice. You can't fix stupid."
"Well I can fix you, you little fuck."
"What the hell, man?? *wheeze* It was a joke!!"
"It wasn't funny."
These guys are all at the diner, perhaps they got a little judgy? Sims be sensitive, yo.
The Southern Prettacy is one of my favorite sim stories evah, and it's why killing Bella Bachelor makes me happy. Go read it!
Zelda has a murder kink.
"*sigh* I had it so good with the Secksies. I got to marry Patriot, have a hot baby with the ghost of Shark Racket, fall in love with a robot, hand jobs galore. *sigh* I didn't appreciate what I had."
Sadly, Bella and Mortimer were together in this game. They were only teens and were going steady, but Morty died a hot dog and Bella was left all alone.
Damaris and Luis are there but were inside the diner. Alex rolled these two as he was teleporting away.
He managed to fool the first cop to come, but the second one?
"I have a feeling I know exactly where he went."
So he grabbed a cab. This is what they do and it's the dumbest thing. Alex is at home, waiting in the front yard. The cop abandons his car, takes a cab to the house, arrests Alex, who then RUNS across town to the cop car, sits in it waiting for the cop who is also coming back on foot, then they drive to the police station. This happens every single time they don't teleport away fast enough. Do you know how long it takes to cross Sunset Valley on foot? I can recall at least one time when Stewie was not at the police station until 4-5 sim hours AFTER the arrest action kicked in. It's really annoying.
Anyway,
Bartender: "Well, I thought we had some in the back here but we don't. Is Pepsi okay?"
Devin Ursine: "*sigh* I guess, although I still don't know what the hell kind of bar only serves rum and Pepsi. That's a crime against simmanity, like my life doesn't suck hard enough."
Devin was at the bar when I checked back in on Stewie. Vera had left and all he was doing was dancing upstairs. So I watched Devin until she left a little after midnight.
"I hate that lady you made me live with."
Not too long after the bar closed,
"I have a list!!"
And you're clearly very pleased about it. We start with Marty Keaton.
Who's ..... hanging around the graveyard in the middle of the night. What is WITH you guys and the graveyard?
"It's peaceful."
Not for long.
"Please, just take my wallet and go! I'll give you my watch, ring, whatever you want! I don't want any trouble!"
"What? I'm not here to rob you."
"But you're wearing a mask."
"We're the richest family in this town, I don't need to rob anybody."
"In that case, you're just an idiot in a maaaaaaaassk......"
"Hm. I'm thinking we should have found someone on the list who was home and not out in a public place."
Yup, I fucked that right up, didn't I?
"You know what to do, Mr. Fox."
"Run all the way back to the graveyard?"
"Run all the way back to the graveyard."
Damn, he is going to be TIRED when he gets sprung.
"Stop teaching those little brats how to talk! It's bad enough I have to listen to you alls mindless jabber all the fucking time!!"
I thought for sure that Rory was a goner but no, Stuart just wanted to smack him around.
"I got other shit to do."
" Oh shit."
Stewie makes quick work of an extremely annoyed Jade.
Who takes the time to put Harry in his crib before dying.
"I'm so sorry you have to go live with a witch, sweetie."
"Uh, Athena? Where's Harry?"
So it turns out that Stiles and Jade had four kids, one of whom was much older and already dead. Judging from the family tree picture, she appears to be Sherri (Shari?), the one Alex killed in front of the gym, along with Dara and Darlene. Sherri may be Stiles and Monika's kid, but to my knowledge there was no baby/toddler/child in the house when Tesla killed Monika. Although I didn't look that hard and, frankly, it doesn't matter.
Harry is under the snow, hanging out with my daughter, Donna. Apparently this is where I keep the babies.
Rory's birthday party is starting. And for the first time in forever, he's got no red moodlets!
I don't think I'm going to be able to roll for his trait, but at least he's happy?
Erin is at home, so Stewie zaps right over.
"What's wrong with her? I can't stab her, I can't talk to her, I can't do anything!"
"Maybe I'm doing it on purpose, did you think of that?"
Great. She's stuck and I have to reset her.
"Oh my lawd, bitch. I had the perfect plan and you just went and fucked it all to hell."
"Hey, Erin! Nice to see you moving around."
"Pfffft, like I ain't got plan B, motherfucker."
"Wait, where are you going?"
"Buh-bye!!"
Oh JFC. So of course dealing with Erin AND Rory's party at the same time isn't enough.
My favorite little sociopath gets out of jail, completely exhausted.
"Ugh, what is this stuff?"
Better than coffee, so chuck it down.
I send Alex off in search of Jocasta Bachelor, Stuart is waiting to see where the hell Erin ends up, so let's check in with Rory.
He still has a decent turnout. Rory did quite a bit of toddler training for me, so he deserves a nice party.
He had "perceptive" locked in as his final trait, so he grows up with no family traits. His lifetime wish is to be the best guitar player and painter he can be. I'm moving him out as soon as possible.
"Thank you."
Jocasta tries to get away but there is no escape.
"*gasp* Who was *wheeze* that masked man?"
Poor Simis is the last remaining Bachelor.
"Really? You made me chase you all the way across town to my own house?"
"I didn't know you lived here, okay??"
"At least I won't get arrested for this one."
He said.
"Damn, this house is TACKY."
What the actual fuck?
"Hahahaaaaa!! Do you see that guy? He's PINK!!"
"What the fuck are you doing in here?"
"You're under arrest for the murder of some old woman, Mr. Fox."
"WHAT????"
I know, right? The cop just waltzed into the house and arrested Stewie like it ain't no thang!! Damn it, Dexter!
At least Alex hides out in the Bachelor house with great success. I send him looking for Luis who, it turns out, is married to Damaris. Well that's convenient.
"Oh baby, I wanna woohoo you so bad my heart is beating right out of my chest!"
"Oh yeah, sugar, I'll meet you upstairs!"
Or not.
"YES!! Who's the cockblock now!?! Keep smiling, Damaris, you're next!"
I'm afraid not, Alex.
"MAN!! Everyone is freakin' pregnant."
I know, it's like the game desperately needs to repopulate the town or something.
"Maybe she'll let me hold her baby!"
Stuart is out of jail.
As soon as he heads over to Iqbal's house, Iqbal bails.
"Is he coming?"
He gets into a cab and drives to the sports stadium.
He runs past the stadium...
up the hill behind it.......
all the way to the backside of the pond.
"Oh my poor wife!!"
He and Erin had been a couple, I was both really impressed with his stamina and a little sad for him.
"Motherfucker, I cannot believe you made me come this far."
Stuart was not at all impressed.
"Oh you are fucking kidding me."
Iqbal only makes it to the edge of the pond and just can't run anymore.
"I am coming, Erin, VJ!!"
"You were worth all the work, old man."
"I really need a teleport. I am NOT walking back to the car."
Can't say I blame you, Stew. Beautiful but one hell of a walk.
"I tried Grim, I really did. I lost my son, my girlfriend, so many of my friends. But I still have my son, Miraj. For him, I wanted to live. I did my best."
"You did, indeed, Iqbal. Your efforts impress even me. I cannot allow you stay but please know that I admire your tremendous will to live."
"Thank you, Grim. And I guess I could not have picked a more beautiful place to die."
Truth. I fetched his grave, and Erin's, from the mausoleum and placed them up by the pond where he died. As stupid as so many sims are, a few really surprise me with their will to stay alive. Maybe Iqbal and Erin can still enjoy the pond, far away from the Foxes, even in death.
Next chapter, more birthdays, deaths, fire, and general mayhem. Oh, and a rather ...... infamous couple makes Sunset Valley their new home.
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