G6 P3: From A To .....

"Oh SOB! That horrible murderer who hated me and my family is dead!! SOB!!"

Sim logic.

After a productive life of 76 kills, Elvis finally died of natural causes at the end of last chapter.

No one wanted to kill him so I could keep him in the yard but at least he earned me points to his very last breath. Now he can duke it out with Barb, Kris, and Max in the town graveyard. I have no doubt he'll win.

With Elvis' death comes an available household slot, which I need because.........

"Rise, my child, RIIIIIISE!!!"

"YES!! I HAVE MADE LIFE AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL!!"

"Father, you need to get rid of that pool out back. Not only is it terribly expensive to run, but it's a veritable death trap. You don't want anyone to die, do you?"


Sebastian: "..........................................................."

"Ew. Robot."

"Yeah, I didn't want to live here anyway."

I didn't want a robot in the house but I did want one in town so we needed the open slot before Sebastian could finish the opportunity.

So Cylon Fox, a brave, clumsy, frugal, hydrophobic, party-loving, gold digger moves into his own little place in town. It's definitely a downgrade, but he's cool with it since there's no pool.

"Dat's MINE!!"

"What'chu gonna do about it, bitch?"

"Heh-heh, the shit I am gonna do to you!!"

Blaine, ew, just ......... blow the damn candles out.

"What? No! I'm not talking about the cake!"

Robby is not even at the party, so right after blowing out his candles and sparkle farting, Blaine bails on his own party, again, to go hunting.

"Well, I was going out."

And now you're not.

"Happy Birthday!"

"It's not my birthday."

"It's MY birthday. You have a happy deathday!!"

"I'd *gasp* rather have *wheeze* a birthday *thunk*"

"And now for that bitch, Ami!"

"She can't fire me!"

Of course she can, she's your boss.

"Not anymore!!"

Flawless logic.

"You fired me!"

"You're a murderer! Why aren't you in jail?"

"Because unlike you, I'm smart enough to hide."

"YASSSSS!! I need another boss to kill!"

"Please Grim, if I don't go warn them, they'll just hire him back and he'll kill someone else!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

They took you back?

"Yes, but as a freelance writer. That's a huge step down."

Tell me about it.

"Thank you so much for the directions! Good-bye, now!"

Well, well, who have we here?

"Lara?? I thought I'd told you to stay in Lancaster! It's not safe for you here!"

"I am so sorry, Mother, but I just could not stay. I would have had to marry that awful old ogre. Whatever awaits me here with you and Father, surely it could not be worse than that!"

"Hooooo boy. Sweetie, I don't even know where start."

Meet Lara Fox, Sebastian and Virginia's time machine teenager. She's brave, has a good sense of humor, doesn't like children, but loves to fish. I debated rolling for her traits but decided against it. Considering that she was raised mostly away from her family, we'll take her as is.

"She'll never make it."

"I'm sorry, Mother, I did not quite hear you. What did you say?"

"Nothing, hon. Trust me, it doesn't really matter."

"That's ....... a weird outfit. Did you come home from school with Tesla?"

"Tesla? He is our older brother, correct?"

"Our?"

"Yes! You must be Ben. I am Lara. Your sister from a time long past."

"My sister? From where? What? I don't .............. where's Mom??"

"Mother? She is watching the picture box in the other room. Now if you will excuse me, I am going to put this dish in the washing box! I do so love all of these boxes you have!"

"Seriously, what the hell?"

Can you imagine if we had kept the robot?

The next day, Ben and Alex have birthdays.

As Ben was stymied by the cheering crowd, Alex got to go first.

By Ben's turn, only his father cheered while everyone else congregated around Alex's cake.

"HA ha! Tesla has stupid hair!"

"Not as stupid as Sebastian's hair! BOOOOO, you're bald, Sebastian!!"

Born insane and easily impressed, Alex rolled odd, then mean-spirited for his trait.

"I'm in my fucking pajamas!!"

I'll fix that.

"Yaaay Ben! You're still THE BEST!!!"

"Uh, thanks Uncle Blaine."

Ben also rolled odd, but since he's friendly (and irresistible and a heavy sleeper) he can't roll mean-spirited, so it's between evil, hot-headed, and insane. He rolled insane.

"People. Will not. Stop. Talking to me!!"

With no more bed space in the kids' room, Alex gets to stay in the nursery. At least he's the youngest and doesn't have to listen to a crying baby.

More autonomous photo booth selfies.

"Speaking of Dad, go take a peek. He looks RIDICULOUS!!!"

Went to the future, did we?

"Hey, I like this outfit. I don't have to take it off to pee."

Ew.

"Uh, guys, not that I don't like a good chat, but I really want to just sit and read a book."

"But we love you, Ben."

"You're our favorite."

"We want to talk to you all the time."

"I'd NEVER want to kill you, Ben."

"Kill? What? Father, why would you even say that?"

"You should never have come here, Lara."

"Damn, Dad!! Do you have to be so loud??"

"Tesla! It's after midnight, what are you doing here?"

"I need your help."

"With what?"

"Not getting busted by the curfew cops."

"Wait here, Dad."

"Hmm, I wonder if there are any pink diamonds buried in the yard."

"She sleeps with her sister? Gross!!"

"Zzzz bed sharing is normal and healthy, science says so zzzzzzZ"

"Hi!"

You already killed her.

"I know that!"

"Zz zz zz z.. oh my god, what is that smell? Is something burning?"

"YES!! My son is pure evil! He has The Glow! I'm so proud!"

"Please Grim, I'm so young! I have so much left to do!"

"That's right little girl, BEG!!"

"No way, bitch! You're done!"

Nice father-son bonding time.

It wouldn't last.

He got on the honor roll.

"Little shit, can't even come home after school."

He's next door visiting Kyle Simself.

"Nice outfit, kid. You look like a fucking waiter."

"Whoa, Tesla, dude! I think your dad just stabbed you!"

"What?"

"OW! That fucking asshole!"

"Uh, is he gonna make another dirt pile on the floor, like my mom over there by the stove?"

No.

"Come ON guys! The judge won't give me a warrant!"

I remembered to give Tesla a death flower.

Meanwhile, Virginia does a stupid.

What's the matter?

"I'm stuck."

You're really not.

"I'm exhausted and I want to go to bed, but if I get in the water I'll drown!"

"See? I get in and swim two strokes and have to turn around and get back out!"

You do have a problem.

"Grrrrrrr. I'm TIRED!! I can't believe I'm stuck in the middle of our pool!"

That is unlucky.

"Alright, I'm gonna go for it."

"Nope, I'm not gonna make it!"

"*YAWN* I am SO TIRED. Maybe I'll try again, I need to sleep!"

One of Virginia's favorite things to do at night is swim until she's exhausted. Normally it's a non-issue. She swims to exhaustion, then climbs out of the pool and goes to bed. Except this time she climbed out of the pool via one of the center islands where, of course, she's trapped. She's ready to drop but can't get to the house without swimming, but apparently it's too far to swim without drowning.

I watched her loop through this cycle for hours. I thought for sure she'd drown, which is no big deal since she's unlucky.

But finally she swam for a ladder and, to my surprise, made it out of the pool.

"Right before sunrise! Good thing I don't have a job!"

*sigh*

"Your mother and I told you to STAY IN LAN ......... WHEREEVERTHEFUCK YOU'RE FROM!!! I arranged a perfectly good marriage for you! But no, you had to throw it all away to come here and get in our way!"

Took longer than I thought it would, to be quite honest.

"But father..."

"NO!! I have had it! I am in charge here and you will listen to me!!"

"And now you'll listen from the grave!"

"Pffft. I should have married the ogre."

"I'm fine, Grim. Death is preferable to living in this hell."

"Actually, I believe you'll be spending your afterlife here, only you'll be able to do whatever you want."

"Really?"

"Really. And your father won't be able to do anything about it."

"Dammit!  I forgot all about that!!"

Lara joins the crowd in the yard by the garden, and her death plunges her mother right into the red plum bob zone.

"*sob* My poor daughter! She never should have come here!"

"*sigh* And now I have to go to school and deal with everyone wanting to console me."

The white-boy dreads come with Ben's work outfit.

"I just can't believe he'd be so horrible as to kill Lara, Blaine! There's more of Elvis in him than I thought."

"Don't worry, Virginia. I'll take care of it."

"Oh no, that's okay. It's almost time for Marie's birthday par....."

Too late.

And Sebastian killed Lara, Blaine, not Tesla.

"Eh, close enough."

"How could you kill your sister, Tesla? She was such a benign, mundane entity that she might as well have a been a wall! You had no reason to kill her!"

"What? I didn't kill anybody! Marie is fine! I just fucking saw her get off the bus!"

"Your OTHER sister!"

"What? What other sister? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"So long, you little punk ass."

"Damn it, Blaine! Bastian killed Lara, not Tesla!!"

"*sob* Don't listen to her, Blaine, she's crazy! *sob* My poor daughter!!"

Kyle: "This party is terrible! And I just got here!"

"Okay, you can't just float there. If you have a flower, hand it over. Otherwise you have to beg for your life or give up the ghost."

"Don't wanna."

Time ticks by.....and by.....and by.

"Isn't anybody coming?"

Tesla: "La dee da, such a nice day to float around under the stairwell, for hours."

"Ah, fuck 'em. I'll eat my cake myself."

Atta girl!

I miss Tesla surrendering another death flower since I was watching Marie grow up and hoping the game wouldn't crash.

"This party sucks!!"

"Oh really?"

You brought this on yourself, Kyle.

"Yes! And the party keeps on chugging!!"

Tesla was so fast I didn't catch it. And of course everyone is cheering late for Marie since they are all slaves to the queue.

And Tesla wasn't done.

"You asshole."

"Riverview doesn't need another star news anchor anyway, you worthless fuck."

Lawanda: "Here we go, again. I should probably leave."

What's your mother got to do with this?

"She's a liar."

No, Blaine misunderstood her.

"I don't fucking care."

Grim finally finishes cheering and works his way down his queue.

"Man, you're slow."

"Bye."

"What? Why do I have to stay?"

"Sorry, sweetie! You're special. I can't take you until you are all old and silver."

"Damn it."

"Okay, two down, one to go."

"Whatever. At least I leave a good looking corpse."

"If you say so."

No flower for Blaine. I like him but he's not a prolific enough killer for me to keep him around. And I have Virginia to make ambrosia and raise babies.

"My stupid family and this fucking party have ruined my life."

Marie rolled even for her trait, so she's now a hot-headed, evil, artistic loser. Sorry, kid.

Nice of you to make drinks for everyone, Virginia.

"Pffft. I'm taking these to my room. Everyone else can kiss my ass."

It wasn't a complete disaster.

And, believe it or not, this is where Virginia's life really went to shit.

You know it.

"Bitch tried to give fucking TESLA credit for offing that leech, Lara."

"Zzzzzz Sebastian dreams zzzzzzzzzZ"

"Surely my husband wouldn't bludgeon ME to death, in my sleep, and then go outside on the balcony and nap in the lounge chair?"

Sebastian isn't a streak killer like Elvis or Thomas, but damn he's cold. He killed Virginia and then didn't even mourn. He went right to the balcony and fell asleep.

"Damn it, Blaine! This is all your faulllllll...."

"ZzzSNORT...whatzat noise?"

"I don't suppose you can take my asshole husband while you're here."

"I'm afraid not. He has to be dead, first. My standards are low, but I do have them."

Twenty-four hours later.

"She constantly cleans up the dirty dishes instead of letting the maid do the job we fucking pay her for."

"Zzzzz wish the maid would clean you up zzzzzzZ"

"Yassss! This shit NEVER gets old!"

Hey Zed.

"Oh, she's back."

She's unlucky.

"Pffft. Boring. Well, I gotta bounce. I was right in the middle of something in the kitchen."

Right after Virginia's resurrection she was starving, so I clicked down to the first floor to direct her to make something to eat, when I noticed an abandoned cutting board already on the counter.

That shit is not waffles.

I did NOT direct anyone to make ambrosia. The only living sims in the house capable of it are Virginia and Sebastian, whose every move I have watched, if not dictated, pretty much the entire evening. At no point did either of them autonomously start to make ambrosia, nor could they. Even if I'd forgotten to relieve Sebastian of whatever life fruit he got out of the garden that morning, no one has caught death fish in generations. I've got dozens of them in the World Adventures chest so no one has needed to obtain them. They cannot take the fish out of the chest without my direction, so there's no way Virginia or Sebastian could have started making ambrosia of their own free will.

Which leaves.....

....the ghost I couldn't control if I wanted to.

"Man, I'm starving. Guess I'll finish cooking that gross fish stuff that was so damn good the last time I ate it."

"Mmmmhmmm, this is gonna be so yummy!"

"Doo-dee-doo, just waiting for my fish."

"This is boring as shit. Off to do ghosty stuff now."

Oh fucking hell. VIRGINIA!!!!

"Who the hell started cooking at 3am and then just walked away? They could have burned the house down!"

"What even IS this? It smells like ass, and it's glowing!"

Just leave it on the counter.

"Man, I'm exhausted AND starving. I guess I'll eat first."

Thomas: "You're not getting any of my pie, you fucker."

Oh he's getting something much better than pie.

"What could possibly be better than pumpkin pie?"

"Hey, I remember this feeling! Guess what, assholes!!!"

"OH MY GOD, IT WORKED!!!!"

Welcome back, Zed. I cannot believe that after three generations this fucker up and autonomously resurrected himself. I have never seen that before. Of course I've never played a game with a household graveyard full of sims who know how to make ambrosia before.  Apparently if they get a hankering, they can pull death fish and life fruit out their asses and make themselves some ambrosia. Who knew?

Coming up next chapter, does Zed make himself useful? Will Sebastian quit murdering his wife? Will I manage to fuck up big time, again?

At least one of those is a yes.