Friday, March 3, 2017

G2, P3: Who Needs Death Flowers and Ambrosia When There's A Cat

Because why wouldn't you want to kill one of the guests at your children's birthday party. That's what makes it a party. I should quickly point out that Holli, the woman Barb wished to kill (right above the Sinbad wish), is nowhere to be found in the game. Mastercontroller has never heard of her. I don't know where Barb saw her. She must be a cab or bus driver, or something. So the wish was deleted without penalty.

"I sense that I am about to be bashed over the head with a fireplace poker."

Brilliant, Sinbad!! Tell me, what clued you in?


Food chick: "So, this Max guy is kind of cute. Is he single?"

Yes, we'll get into why at some point.

Barb must be earning quite the reputation. They sent 3 cops to bring her in.

"Seriously, Grim, I'm a bad guy, just like you! If you take me, Riverview is going to be overrun with a whole host of goody-two-shoes! You don't want that, do you?"

"Oh dear. I'm afraid this is the wrong town for that. The Fox family keeps me very busy, particularly the matriarch, she's a phenomenon! In any other town you'd be a contender, but here in Riverview I'm afraid you're just a sniveling wanna-be."

Damn, that's harsh.

"You'd think they'd appreciate me taking out a wanted criminal for them, saving them some work. But NO. Murder is illegal, blahblahblah. Fine. More dominoes for me. I've got plenty of time to con Big Eddie out of his cigarettes."

They lock you up with the men?

"They put all the high risk felons together."


Somewhere in this hot mess two kids had birthdays. Zed is now a teenager. He rolled odd for his trait and is our first mean-spirited offspring. I have high hopes for you, Zed.

And Max becomes the first child to make it to young adulthood without being killed at least once by his mother. I guess she really does like him best.

"You're keeping him? That's bullshit. I'm way cooler than him."

The deciding factor was Max rolling odd for his trait. So he's now an insane, evil, cat-person who loves the cold but is hot-headed. He has 3/4 of the family traits, so that merits him staying for now. His lifetime wish is to be a 5 star chef.

Oh, and Kris became an elder, but he didn't get a cake because I don't freakin' care.

"At least I kept my shades!"

I finally broke down and let Max get the wish he rolled as a child.

Meet Blue Fox.

He is exactly as he came from the shelter. He's an adult cat and has only one trait, non-destructive. And I don't care how much you wish for it, Max, you're not getting another cat.

"Aww, he's so cute!!"

Just a reminder, pets are exempt from the rules of the game. I don't think you can be mean to them anyway, but just in case, no pets will be harmed at the hands of any of my sims.

Next day,

He was at work for 7 minutes before deciding he hates his boss and wants to kill her. I mean, who hasn't been there?

So, right after work,

*Ding Dong*

"I hope she's home!"

You know she's home, you stalked her here.

"She may have a back door."

"Hi! I'm Max, I work for your mother. Is she home, by any chance?"

"Sure! She's getting some dinner. Come on in! Mooom!! Some dude Max, from work, is here!!"

"Hi Max! Help yourself to some autumn salad, there's plenty!"

"Ow!! What the heck is that?"

You did it, man. She walked away, you can stop now."

"I did?"

"I DID!! I did it! I killed somebody! I'm a real Fox!!"

Aw, he's so proud of himself.

"Oh my god, I'm seeing my third grade play, our vacation to Al-Simhara when I was 10, wait, is that Charlie Archer? My first kiss? What the hell is going on here?"

You're dying.

"Are you kidding? I'm dying and the last thing I see is Charlie Archer, that 13 year old little asshole?"

Flashbacks aside, Gretchen goes with dignity.

Grim: "Purple is nice, but can we get a little more color variety?"

Alright, I told food lady (who, looking back on it, appears to be Gretchen. I guess someone warned her about Barb but neglected to give her a heads up about Max) that Max is single. Here's why...

"Ew NO! Get away from me!"

"But, you're my girlfriend, and we're best friends! We're fully in the green with each other!"

"I don't care. I'm outta here!!"

Same thing happened to Jason.

"Good friends or no, I am not hanging out with you!"

It seems that if they run into someone on a lot, or the other sim asks them out, everything is fine. But if they invite someone over/out, the person hangs out for 2 seconds before deciding they don't want to be here and they bolt. Smart of them but it makes things difficult in the romance department.

Max tried one more time with Chelsea before giving up.

She wouldn't hang out long enough for him to break up with her, so he did it via text.

"I don't need you anyway. Screw off!!"

You tell her, babe!

"No I'm not doing my homework! You're not the boss of me! You're not the boss of anyone!"

"I am still your father, young man, and as long as you live in THIS house, you'll do what I tell you!"

"Oh really? I don't think so, you old fart!"

"Damn it!!"

"Why ....... must ........ all of you .......... take ......... after ......... your ......... mother....."

"So cool."

"Man. Not that this isn't fun, but maybe y'all should take a breather. At least for a day or two."

"For crying out loud! I can't even take you, yet! You're unlucky."

"Alright! Thanks, Grim!"

"Don't make a habit of it, mmmkay?"

"I don't like you."

"What the hell is your problem, kid?"

"You're better looking than me."

One thing's for sure, the town won't be overpopulated any time soon. The graveyard, on the other hand...

"You're right, that's a stupid reason to be angry."

"Glad to hear it."

"Too bad a stupid reason is still good enough for me!"

"Whoa! What are you doing? OW!!! Why does that hurt? There's nothing there!"

The sword has never once rendered for me. The knife, poker, and hammer all render but I've never even seen the sword.

"Yeeeesssss!! I have taken life! I am GOD!!"

Sometimes I feel bad for Jason, what with his crippling self-esteem issues and all.

"Look, I've heard it all! No flower, no save. Beat it!!"

Grim's getting cranky. He's not used to this much overtime.

What? No murderers at the grocery store? Geez, high standards.

"Yay. I'm getting old."

I'm hoping this signals the end of the "Have a baby" wishes.


Peter has his teen birthday, leaving behind the cloak of protection childhood offers in this game.

He rolls odd for his trait, so he's now friendly, hates the outdoors, evil, and insane.

"Please. My demise is hardly a forgone conclusion."

Whatever you say.

Kris becomes a Creature-Robot-Crossbreeder.

"Wuuuuuuut? My stupid brother's dead? That's an awesome birthday present! Who's is it?"

Your mother's. I guess Max is not her favorite anymore. She decided that the start of Jason's birthday party is the perfect time to get rid of him.

"Well, happy birthday to you, young man! As for you, quit begging and just go! There's cake!"

I had no intention of bringing Max back. I figured I'd add him to the family graveyard in front of the house, and adopt Blue out into the community. Blue had other ideas.


"No 'juice' is being served at this party, correct?"

"Officer, I have no idea what you are talking about. There's cake, that's it."


"Oh my, I had no idea! I'm so sorry, little guy! Of course I'll give him back!"

"Oh wow! I'm alive! I'm really alive! This is wonderful!"

"That's great, Dad. I'm exhausted."

"The cat. I cannot believe the fucking CAT brought that little shit back to life. Now I gotta go watch Big Eddie snivel over his cigarettes for NOTHING."

"Actually, Eddie made parole. But Lola loves to play dominoes. I'm sure she'll play with you."

"Is she any good?"

"Rumor has it she's the best player in Riverview."


"We live here, now?"

I decided to move Max and Blue out right away, for Max's own safety. I'm definitely keeping Jason and Zed. Since they both killed as teens, I have to give each of them the remaining family trait that each is missing, so they'll both have all four traits.

Alright, back to Jason's party. I got to choose his trait, so he now has all four family traits, evil, insane, hot-headed, and mean-spirited, as well as the neurotic trait he rolled as a child. He already accomplished his lifetime wish to know all the recipes as many recipes as the game had when it was first released.

"I made my birthday wish. Two of them."

Good lord he's creepy. I both love him and find him really disturbing. I'm trying not to read too much into what that says about me.

Purple shirt: "He's really hot!"

He'd definitely be one of those serial killers with a fan club.

Anyway, right before and right after aging up,

Okay, normally Barb would be first, but she's sitting pretty in jail, so we're going to focus on Al, whom Jason knows from school.

I found Al in town, sitting on a bench by the movie theater.

"I've got this urgent feeling that I need to get the hell out of here right now."


LOL! He can barely see over the steering wheel.

"Ah, the Riverview Nectary. I'll be safe here. Nothing bad can happen where there's nectar!"

Flawless logic.

"Jason! Hey man! You graduated!"

"Yeah, I did. Guess what, Al?"


"You're gonna die."

Blue shirt: "I sense a mild disturbance in the force. A single voice crying out in terror, suddenly silenced."

"WHAT? Jason? Why?"

"I feel like it. Smile, Al. You're my birthday wish."

"GOD that was good! One down. ..................... Now where is my darling mother. Is she out of jail, yet?"

She's in a rush.

"I gotta get in the house before Lola tells her pimp what I did to her."

What DID you ... you know what? I don't want to know.

Coming up next chapter, Barb finally gets hers, loses her clothes, Jason continues to be creepy-hot, and we usher in generation three!

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