Wednesday, March 1, 2017

G2, P2: Fuck The Honor Roll

"Did I do it? Did I growed up?"

You finally get to meet Zed, Barb and Kris Fox's fifth baby. Zed rolled one odd, one even for his traits, so he is insane and perceptive.

"This place is so cluttered! There are dirty dishes all over the table, and this weird pile of grey dust on the floor."

Jason rolled even for his child trait, so he is now evil, insane, and neurotic. Excellent serial killer combo so far, if you ask me.

Yes, again. She keeps doing this....

She may not get her LTW with all this maternity leave.

Max: "Aren't I a little young for a twerking party?"

Pigtails: "Whoo! Dat ass!!"

"Oh come on!! I can't get to my cake because I can't sit down! How am I supposed to sit down in a chair that's right in front of me??"

"My son grew up stupid, didn't he?"

'Loves the cold', so close enough. To review, he's also evil, insane, and loves cats.

"See, this is why I keep wishing for more. Some of these kids just ain't right."

"Why do we have to garden in our bathing suits?"

"The sprinklers, son. Trust me, they have a mind of their own and go off at any old time."

"That awesome massage made me realize something. Five kids is still too many. One of 'em is gonna have to go."

Yeah, I'm kinda lukewarm on Max, myself. We'll see what he gets for an adult trait. I may move him out.

"Nah, I kinda like the stupid one. I'm thinking about the smart-ass."

Right after the notification that Mary made the honor roll popped up, Barb wished to off her. Most parents would be proud, but Barb isn't most parents.

"Come on, kid, move your ass. I've got business to take care of and apparently I can't do it out here."

"You know, if your house had more than one entrance, poor, hapless visitors such as myself wouldn't route-failure quite so much."

"You are bitchin' to the wrong bitch."

"Wow. Honor roll. Now that's a big accomplishment! Heh-heh, Warren's never gonna get on the honor roll."

"You know what they say, baby girl, 'pride goeth before a fall'."

That's actually incorrect, it's 'Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.'

"Tomayto, tomahto, like a I give a fuck."

"*gasp* Why?? Because I made the honor roll??"

Yeah, it made me double-take too,but that legit seems to be the reason.

"Hey hon, I'm gonna need some new work pants, these are a little shor....what in the world is going on here?"

"Hey Kris! Nice to see you! Your wife killed another one. Keeps me busy, this woman does!"

"It's Max, isn't it?"

"Um, no. This one's a girl."


"Please Grim, she killed me for getting on the honor roll at school! How dumb is that?"

"Are you telling me that you're too smart to die?"

"No, NO, I'm just saying.."

"Cause that sounds a little elitist of you. You know, some of us never got to go to school but we are still intelligent, contributing members of society."

"I ......... what??"

"Into the urn with you!!"

So Mary becomes the second gravestone on the lot. Barb maxed the cooking skill, so she can make ambrosia now. I may bring Mary back at some point. She had a lot of potential, but I'm waiting to see what happens with the younger kids. Not to mention that someone has to get the opportunity, obviously.

Zed: "You are an asshole."

Jason: "Ha-haaaa!! Peekaboo, little fucker!! Peek A Boo."

I like Jason. He really seems to revel in the evil.

"Why is this one a boy? I wanted a girl! Stop sneaking apples into my food!"

I'm not influencing gender, Barb. No one snuck apples into your food. You get what you get.

"Well, I want another one!!"

*wishes to have another baby*

Nope. You're done. Executive decision. I'm tired of babies, plus you need to focus on your LTW.


The not-a-girl is Peter. He rolled even for both traits, so he's now friendly and hates-the-outdoors. I don't have a good feeling about you making it to adulthood, kid.

Nothing like some fully dressed, father-son chillaxin' time in the hot tub, amirite?

Meanwhile, Barb is out and about, performing some public service.

"This is the ugliest car I have ever seen. It's actually painful to look at."

"And now it's the ugliest car in my inventory. See? I can be nice."

Peter grows up to look an awful lot like Zed.

My sims seem to have a thing for other, green sims.

I'd like to think of Max's first kiss in front of the diner dumpster as romantic and not foreshadowing of any kind.

 Kris: "Wait ... [looks rapidly back and forth] .... there's two? Which one have I got?"

I'm pretty sure that's Zed strutting on into the nursery, since it's not likely that Peter's learned to walk already, but I'm not putting any money on it.

"You guys and your dramatics.  I'm trying to learn these stupid spelling words, like S-H-U-T, T-H-E, H-E-L-L,and U-P."

Probably Zed: "Taa-taa, muthafuckas!!"

"Move your ass."

"Sorry bro. Simgod says I have to learn music. Go play with something else."

"I don't care what she said. I said to Move Your Ass."

Yeah, bunny-butt is definitely Zed.

"Someone made cupcakes!!"

One of the teens finally appears. Warren is the first ghost to grace us with his presence.

Zed becomes a child. He rolled odd for his trait and is now hot-headed as well as insane and perceptive.

I really don't know why you get invited to parties.

"Shhhhh, be quiet!!"

"YEA.....FUCK!!! Again??"

Try again.

Every. Damn. Time.

"I HATE ceiling lights!!"

Jason becomes a teen.

Max: "Is no one properly dressed?"

Gosselin and Sinbad are looking okay behind you.

Jason rolled odd for his trait, so he's insane, evil, neurotic, and hot-headed. And a little pouty.

"My mother's ass is photobombing my birthday picture."

"What is that boy's problem with my ass? I'm smokin' hot!!"

He's your SON, he doesn't give a fig how hot you are or aren't!!

"Yes he is my son. Look at the little asshole, playing computer games, having fun."

Well that took no time at all.

"And THAT'S for making your brother cry!"


"Hey, it's somebody's fault, and it sure ain't mine!"

"Heh, that was fun!!"

"Why isn't he dying? I got him good!"

Relax, the computer actions take a bit to cancel.


"Ooooo, another one!!"

"Come on back, kiddo! I do love my cute little flowers."

Yeah, Jason's my fave, so he's sticking around for the time being.

"I hate my mother."

I wouldn't tell her, seeing as it'd probably make her day.

"I have really dorky hair."

Quit growing up with your brother's haircut and I won't give you stupid hair.

Peter became a child, and once again tried to look exactly like Zed. He rolled odd for his trait, so he's now friendly, not fond of the outdoors, and evil. So he's not a total loss.

The next Saturday I sent Jason to the book store to buy all the recipes his level 5 cooking skill would allow him to learn (all the kids get their meals exclusively from the toy stove, so all of them start cooking at level 3). By the end of the weekend he achieved the lifetime wish he'd rolled the morning after his teen birthday.

Record time! Way to go, man!

No idea. Barb had a wish to "get out", so I sent her to the local market. When I checked on her a few minutes later she'd rolled this wish.

"He's bald and he talked to me."

Sure. Why not?

"DIE, motherfucker!!"


"Oh yeah, right up Main Street!" (TM Deadpool)

"HEY!! A little help over here!!!"

"Why is this woman stabbing me in the ass? I've never seen her before today and all I said was, "Can I help you?"

LOL!! This is the most pitiful death, yet.

"Hello, lovelies!! Isn't it such a beautiful day to die?"

Meet Grim, kids. I figured that since we are going to be seeing so much of him, might has well get a better look.

"Mmmmmm, a man in uniform!"

Officer Toney: "Excuse me, sir? I got a call about a murder, are you the murderer?"

"Do people ever say 'yes' when you ask them that?"

"No need to get an attitude, sir."

"You know, Grim, I ain't even mad. I'm so tired of rude customers with their neverending, special snowflake bullshit. I'm ready to go."

"And you are just the most gorgeous shade of purple! You'll make a nice addition to the graveyard."

"Excuse me, ma'am, I'm looking for a murder suspect. That wouldn't be you by any chance, would it?"

"What gave me away?"

"You're, um, glowing."

"Really? I know I'm not pregnant. The Simgod is being a right bitch about that."

"No. You're red, like Emperor of Evil red."

"I AM?? Awesome!!"

So the long arm of the law catches up to Barb and locks her up, condemning her to hours of playing dominoes.

Brutal, man.

"This isn't even a police car."

"Homocide doesn't get standard vehicles."

"No lights or siren?"

"I'm afraid not."


"Didja' hear, Warren? I got arrested!"

"For what?"


"Really? Did they finally arrest you for murdering me?"

"No, I killed one of the people that work at the foreign market."

"Is anyone even investigating my death?"

"Noh ah I owe of."


Max and Zed get a duel birthday at the local arcade.

Woman who works with food: "Okay, be honest, is the lady behind me about to stab me with something, or beat me with a blunt object?"

Pink Skirt: "No, not unless she can give you a beatdown with a noisemaker."

Food Woman: "Oh thank goodness. You just never know."

Pink Skirt: "I'm so glad you chose me, a child, to drag into your paranoid delusion."

Coming up next chapter, what do these two end up looking like? Do they get family traits, or do they end up one step closer to dying at the hands of their stunningly heartless mother? Do I keep Max around and let him get a cat? All this and more, next chapter.

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